Despite my best efforts to focus on the good and meaningful things in life, I can’t bring myself to be positive right now.

My grandfather is in the hospital and I’m pretty upset about it.  The details don’t matter right now.  I’m just glad he’s getting the care he needs.

Things between my parents and I are strained to put it mildly.  My father let me know that he doesn’t approve of my lifestyle.  Again, I’m paraphrasing.  That sentence is the best way to describe a 25 minute one-sided conversation.  My mother agrees with him which is doubly painful.  I’m tired and I’m left with the realization that my best will never be good enough.  My sister once said I was the glue that held the family together.  Well, even glue becomes brittle over time, breaking with the application of pressure.

Be a good girl
You’ve gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn’t good enough
To make us proud

Tonight’s song is “Perfect” by Alanis Morissette.  It needs no explaining.  Goodnight.


The Awful Truth // “You Will Miss Me When I Burn” + “The Perfect Space”

The worst realization to come to in any relationship.

I went through a difficult, complicated, and (in retrospect) necessary breakup during the summer of 2013.  The gory details aren’t worth going into at this moment in time, but I will do my best to summarize the aftermath of the breakup: he insisted that we remain friends, I obliged against my better judgment, and our relationship became a big, muddled mess thereafter.  Conflicted would be the best way to describe my feelings about the situation at the time. My brain told me that maintaining a friendship with my ex-boyfriend would only further complicate my life and inhibit my ability to cope with the separation and move on.  My heart, on the other hand, insisted that in being his friend I could somehow, someway get him back.  After months of trying, longing, and pining, my brain determined that my heart didn’t know a damn thing.

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