You never know how much you mean to someone until they get in touch with you at one in the morning to tell you.
Why one in the morning? That’s when we used to talk, I suppose. It was appropriate for this day, this moment. My friend messaged me, saying that he didn’t know why we stopped talking half a decade ago. I don’t know what prompted him to message tonight. I don’t know what he’s going through that compelled him to reach out to me. All I know is that he did, and we’ve been talking for the last forty minutes as if no time has passed at all.
He’s married now and they recently had a son. I find it all so amazing. I remember how we were in 2005 and 2006, stoop sitting, splitting a case of Yuengling, talking for hours, and drinking enough to inhibit my ability to stand. I remember drunken nights on his couch. I remember the tough times, the times we didn’t want to exist, and how we were there for each other.
It all seems so far away. We were babies then. Babies with no direction whatsoever. Babies embarking on a journey of self-discovery.
As the conversation winded down, he told me this:
“I hope one day we won’t just see each other for milestones or drunken nights, but just for everyday shit, like ‘Hey I am going to get some chicken. Do you want some?'”
And as it came to an end, he said this:
“I don’t think I would be who I am, maybe not be anyone at all…. if it wasn’t for you.”
Your song for the night is “Still Fighting It” by Ben Folds. Way back when, I think in 2006, when my friend was going through a hard time, I made him a video. I included this song and the words ran across the screen, encouraging him to hold on, telling him things will get better.