Today’s Top 5: Mopey Christmas

i'm going to die alone and merry christmas

This stress of my grandfather being ill and the tensions in family is really getting me down during my favorite time of year.  It has definitely painted my mood tonight.  And to cope with the sadness, I present you with today’s top 5.  The mopey Christmas edition.

1. “Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis” by Tom Waits
2. “Whatever Happened To Christmas?” by Aimee Mann
3. “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay
4. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Michael Bublé (Mariah Carey cover)
5. “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith (first performed by Judy Garland)

Google Play Music listeners, click here.

Everyone else, here’s the playlist on YouTube.  Goodnight.

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“Perfect”

lifesucksnomatterwhar

Despite my best efforts to focus on the good and meaningful things in life, I can’t bring myself to be positive right now.

My grandfather is in the hospital and I’m pretty upset about it.  The details don’t matter right now.  I’m just glad he’s getting the care he needs.

Things between my parents and I are strained to put it mildly.  My father let me know that he doesn’t approve of my lifestyle.  Again, I’m paraphrasing.  That sentence is the best way to describe a 25 minute one-sided conversation.  My mother agrees with him which is doubly painful.  I’m tired and I’m left with the realization that my best will never be good enough.  My sister once said I was the glue that held the family together.  Well, even glue becomes brittle over time, breaking with the application of pressure.

Be a good girl
You’ve gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn’t good enough
To make us proud

Tonight’s song is “Perfect” by Alanis Morissette.  It needs no explaining.  Goodnight.

Mr. Holmes // “I Thank You”

Mr Holmes

I didn’t know I enjoyed writing until Mr. Holmes told me to write.

Continue reading “Mr. Holmes // “I Thank You””

Today’s Top 5: Covers Under The Covers

other people always let you down

I decided not to write (for money) today so I can focus on myself.  This is probably the best decision I’ve made all week.

This week has been topsy-turvy and I needed to get back to center again, especially after last night.  Some time between 5:30 AM and 9:00 AM, I managed to have a fairly disturbing dream about my ex-boyfriend.  It just set a weird tone for the morning and I’ve been actively trying to shake it off all day.

I’ve forced myself to be proactive about my well-being this morning.  I called both the nutritionist and the sleep specialist I was referred to and scheduled consultations.  Needing to see these specialists is a hard reality to face, but if they will improve my quality of life, I’m more than willing to see it through.  My health hasn’t been the best this year, and there is a lot of stuff I’ve been putting off and ignoring for way too long.

The day was wonderful.  I took a nap, I read a bit.  I curled up under covers and took ANOTHER nap.  Fantastic.

On that note, I present you with Today’s Top 5: Covers Under The Covers.  These are some great cover songs, perfect for cuddling up and napping.

1. “The Freshman” by Jay Brannan (The Verve Pipe cover)
2. “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bon Iver (Bonnie Raitt cover)
3. “Runaway” by Sarah Winters (Kanye West cover)
4. “Dancing in the Dark” by Ruth Moody (Bruce Springsteen cover)
5. “Hey Ya” by Obadiah Parker (Outkast cover)

You know the drill.  Google Play music listeners, click here.

Everyone else?  Enjoy a YouTube playlist!

Simple // “I Hope Things Go The Way I Hope”

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Taken by my best friend over a decade ago. Wow.

I miss when things were more “simple.”

Continue reading “Simple // “I Hope Things Go The Way I Hope””

Day 10: Happiness

who me

Today’s NaBloPoMo Prompt: Do you think you maintain a good balance of making yourself happy while making other people happy?

If you had asked me this question one year ago, I would have laughed and said, “Making myself happy?  What are you talking about?”

Continue reading “Day 10: Happiness”

Rollercoaster

Instead of dwelling on everything that went wrong today, I’m going to tell you about what went right.

  • Little Man is okay after a trip to the hospital.
  • His parents are relieved that nothing worse happened.
  • A six year old is happy after using some crayons and imagination.
  • My boyfriend and I are happy after a major carb binge at the end of a long day.

I put up some twinkle lights to cheer myself up.  The lights on the tree are on and I’m curled up fighting sleep.  Here’s hoping tomorrow is better.  Goodnight, y’all.