This stress of my grandfather being ill and the tensions in family is really getting me down during my favorite time of year. It has definitely painted my mood tonight. And to cope with the sadness, I present you with today’s top 5. The mopey Christmas edition.
1. “Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis” by Tom Waits
2. “Whatever Happened To Christmas?” by Aimee Mann
3. “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay
4. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Michael Bublé (Mariah Carey cover)
5. “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith (first performed by Judy Garland)
Despite my best efforts to focus on the good and meaningful things in life, I can’t bring myself to be positive right now.
My grandfather is in the hospital and I’m pretty upset about it. The details don’t matter right now. I’m just glad he’s getting the care he needs.
Things between my parents and I are strained to put it mildly. My father let me know that he doesn’t approve of my lifestyle. Again, I’m paraphrasing. That sentence is the best way to describe a 25 minute one-sided conversation. My mother agrees with him which is doubly painful. I’m tired and I’m left with the realization that my best will never be good enough. My sister once said I was the glue that held the family together. Well, even glue becomes brittle over time, breaking with the application of pressure.
Be a good girl
You’ve gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn’t good enough
To make us proud
Tonight’s song is “Perfect” by Alanis Morissette. It needs no explaining. Goodnight.
I decided not to write (for money) today so I can focus on myself. This is probably the best decision I’ve made all week.
This week has been topsy-turvy and I needed to get back to center again, especially after last night. Some time between 5:30 AM and 9:00 AM, I managed to have a fairly disturbing dream about my ex-boyfriend. It just set a weird tone for the morning and I’ve been actively trying to shake it off all day.
I’ve forced myself to be proactive about my well-being this morning. I called both the nutritionist and the sleep specialist I was referred to and scheduled consultations. Needing to see these specialists is a hard reality to face, but if they will improve my quality of life, I’m more than willing to see it through. My health hasn’t been the best this year, and there is a lot of stuff I’ve been putting off and ignoring for way too long.
The day was wonderful. I took a nap, I read a bit. I curled up under covers and took ANOTHER nap. Fantastic.
On that note, I present you with Today’s Top 5: Covers Under The Covers. These are some great cover songs, perfect for cuddling up and napping.
1. “The Freshman” by Jay Brannan (The Verve Pipe cover)
2. “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bon Iver (Bonnie Raitt cover)
3. “Runaway” by Sarah Winters (Kanye West cover)
4. “Dancing in the Dark” by Ruth Moody (Bruce Springsteen cover)
5. “Hey Ya” by Obadiah Parker (Outkast cover)
You know the drill. Google Play music listeners, click here.