A Haunting in Baltimore

get-far-away

You know why you run?

You run because you need to get away.  You run because you need to escape the place you’ve found yourself in.  You run because you’re afraid.  You run because it’s what you know to do, what you have always done, and what you will continue to do.  You run in hopes to leave behind the things that will always, always catch up to you.

That’s why you ran away to Baltimore, right?  The city, with its bright lights and roadways outstretched like arms, was waiting to take you in and embrace you, so you could feel its rumble of a heartbeat as it held you close.   But the sense of security that the city gave you was accompanied by an understanding that the things you have run away from will always find their way back.

Consider The Hurricane, for example.

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On “Doing.”

See, I have this roommate.

We don’t talk very much, and oftentimes I’m intimidated by her (specifically, her intelligence).  I think she has a beautiful mind and she strikes me as the kind of person that can teach me a thing or two if I am open to learning.

At two in the morning on Sunday, after walking Captain Coping Skills (formerly The Polyamorous Neurotic) to his car (which is another story for another time), she made me tea and we chatted one-on-one for the first time since her return from her home country.  She asked me to explain the relationship between Captain Coping Skills and myself.  I told her that we were lovers; there wasn’t anything romantic happening between us.  I fancied a fuck and he was there, sometimes, when he wasn’t drinking himself into oblivion.

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Opening the Floodgates // “November”

numbing

I’ve been a bit numb since Monday night.

I suppose it’s not necessarily an inability to feel, but rather an unwillingness.  With those who are grieving, I understand what they are doing when they force themselves to put on a mask and be strong for those around them.  I think people who are depressed or experiencing a significant life event typically do that by default.  You don’t want others to worry about you.  You don’t want to appear weak.  You don’t want others to think they can’t rely on you.  Most of all, in being “strong,” you can delay the inevitable.  You can avoid sadness altogether.  That is, until you can’t.

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