More Cruel Than Schoolchildren // “Just a Little Bit”

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Coming out of both elementary and middle school, my self-esteem wasn’t anything to write home about. However, there was something about the summer leading into freshman year that hammered the last nail into the skewed-perception-of-self coffin.

Without going into too many unsavory details, the summer between 8th and 9th grade was a difficult transition for me. Eighth grade had ended, and because of redistricting, testing, and other life circumstances, my primary group of friends was forced to disband. I felt a strong need to be with these friends over the summer to help quell the anxiety I was experiencing about starting at a new school, but unbeknownst to me, my summer would not turn out as I had hoped.

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When I Stir // “Pitter Patter Goes My Heart”

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My boyfriend is a light sleeper, and when I move in the middle of the night, he awakens in a panic, reaching out in the dark to feel for me on my side of the bed. Half-asleep, he whimpers, “No, don’t go, no,” holding me in place once he has found me in the dark.  I cradle his head against my chest for a moment and assure him I am coming back, caressing his hair and kissing him.  After a while, he calms down, and drifts back off to sleep.

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Another sleepless night.

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I can stay asleep. I’m good at that. Getting to sleep is the issue. I’m having more and more trouble doing that recently.

Prior to this recent bout of insomnia, I would wake up at 6:45 AM and make my boyfriend coffee and breakfast. It was a nice way to start the day. Now, I wake up after 9 AM and I’m alone until 5 PM when my boyfriend comes home.

Sure, I’m content with the amount of sleep I get on average. But those quiet moments I spend with my partner are unparalleled. I miss them dearly.

Turning Sixteen // “Across The Universe”

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This is a story involving my first high school crush. The guy who made my first mixtape. The guy who taught me about vegan ice cream sandwiches and the joys of cunnilingus.

But this is not a story about him. Bear with me.

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The Awful Truth // “You Will Miss Me When I Burn” + “The Perfect Space”

The worst realization to come to in any relationship.

I went through a difficult, complicated, and (in retrospect) necessary breakup during the summer of 2013.  The gory details aren’t worth going into at this moment in time, but I will do my best to summarize the aftermath of the breakup: he insisted that we remain friends, I obliged against my better judgment, and our relationship became a big, muddled mess thereafter.  Conflicted would be the best way to describe my feelings about the situation at the time. My brain told me that maintaining a friendship with my ex-boyfriend would only further complicate my life and inhibit my ability to cope with the separation and move on.  My heart, on the other hand, insisted that in being his friend I could somehow, someway get him back.  After months of trying, longing, and pining, my brain determined that my heart didn’t know a damn thing.

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Today’s Top 5 – The Unemployment Playlist

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I’m trying something here, so bear with me. This is a nod to one of my favorite books of all time: “High Fidelity.” I present you with today’s top 5 songs describing how I’m feeling about unemployment.

For you Google Play Music users out there: Today’s Top 5 – The Unemployment Playlist

For everyone else, here’s the playlist on YouTube:

Sit back and enjoy, y’all.

New post coming soon.

Jagged Little Reality // “Hand In My Pocket”

Last Friday, my best friend visited my apartment equipped with lilac wine and Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” on 180g vinyl, a re-release nearing the album’s 20th anniversary. I provided the turntable, comfy couch, plush blanket, and space heater for the experience. Once we were both mildly inebriated, I placed the album on the platter, put the turntable into motion, lifted the tonearm, and lowered the stylus. My best friend’s intention was to listen to the album to gain inspiration for a personal essay she was in the process of writing. While the lilac wine left something to be desired, the album did provide my best friend and me with some fuel for creativity.

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