5. “Ne Me Quitte Pas” by Nina Simone (Jacques Brel cover)
Since quitting drinking, Ambien is the only thing that can lull you to sleep. Quick, effective, and less of a hangover in the morning. You decide that both your brain and body feel better and you go with it. While you’ve been making a conscious effort to walk along a straight and narrow path, you can justify replacing drugs and alcohol with pharmaceuticals.
The Ambien does, you notice, effect your dreams, and each dream is intense, vivid, and bizarre. Last night’s dream was no exception.
In the dream, you lit a post-coital smoke while next to The Ex in the bed you shared together. Naked, awash in afterglow, you lied on your back, taking long drags of a Parliament Light 100, the signature brand of the ex before The Ex, He Who Shall Not Be Named. It was a vivid dream. You could see the smoke swirling above you, forming familiar shapes. For a moment, they were like cloud forms. You took another drag and exhaled deeply towards the sky again. The Ex was lying next to you on his stomach, head turned to the side, watching you smoke. His face was neutral, not disgusted, as if he was looking past the cigarette and at you, deep into you. You’re not cuddling, but your bodies are pressed against one another’s. The cold, sweaty clamminess of his skin feels too real.
Continue reading “Under Covers, A Playlist.”
5. “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?” by Al Green
You play it for the 47th time since last Tuesday; Al Green’s voice blares in your ear while his words resonate in your heart. You’re driving home after seeing The Ex-boyfriend. I-95 at night does little to hold your interest and you’re alone with your thoughts. For the 47th time since last Tuesday, you think about what you could have said or done to change the course of the history between you and he. Not you and The Ex. That history is one you’ve resigned yourself to. You’re thinking of “the one that got in the way.” The catalyst for change. The Hurricane. For the 47th time since last Tuesday, you think about the fine lines in his lips that you’re never going to trace again. You think about all of the things that you haven’t said, the things that you’ll probably never get an opportunity to say. You think of, for a moment, this silly alternate reality in which you and he can be happy, consisting of walks in the park and matinee horror flicks. You sigh. You change the song.
Continue reading “Songs To Stay Awake To, A Playlist”
Since being snowed in has giving me time to read for pleasure, I’ve been thumbing through my some Bukowski. His body of work is extensive, and while my collection isn’t complete, it’s enough to get me through.
I guess in reading his work, it occurred to me that he got a lot of shit right about life. I suppose I’ve understood his perspective more with age and experience. As a result, here are my top 5 Bukowski quotes that are truly resonating with me right now.
5. “If you’re losing your soul and you know it, then you’ve still got a soul left to lose.” (Tales of Ordinary Madness)
4. “Too often the people complain that they have done nothing with their
lives and then they wait for somebody to tell them that this isn’t so.” (What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire)
3. “How the hell could a person enjoy being awakened at 6:30AM, by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Factotum)
2. “We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.” (The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship)
1. “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.” (title of work)
We’ve been having beautiful autumn days here in Maryland! The sunshine and temperature is perfect for early afternoon drives with the windows down. And because I’m a big proponent of cranking my music up on long drives, here’s a brief smattering of the songs I’ve been jamming to recently.
Continue reading “What Are YOU Listening To? // Top 5 Autumn Drive Tracks”
According to the most recent forecast, it’s going to be a rainy week for us Marylanders. I’ve made myself a cup of tea and I’m dogsitting my boyfriend’s brothers dogs for the next three days. We’re hanging out in the living room and watching the rain pitter-pattering outside. This moment calls for some chill tunes to enjoy the rain to. I present you with today’s top 5: the rainy afternoon mix.
1. “Ends of the Earth” by Lord Huron, from their album Lonesome Dreams. The album itself has a lot of depth to it. My aim for this playlist was to create a mellow, low-key vibe without sounding too “down.” This song achieves just that.
2. “One of These Things First” by Nick Drake, from his album Bryter Layter. I love the piano in this song: it’s not formulaic, but meandering (for lack of a better word).
3. “Elephant Gun” by Beirut, from their album Lon Gisland EP. This song skirts the line between mellow and melancholy. I’ve always been enamored with Zac Condon’s vocals and Beirut’s sound in general. Also, trumpets do it for me. This song almost makes me want to stomp puddles and dance in the rain.
4. “Shangri-La” by M. Ward, from his album Hold Time. Again, another puddler-jumper. M. Ward makes great folky tunes that can be subtly uplifting. This is one of them.
5. “Never Look Back” by Slow Club, from their album Paradise. Different from the tracks preceding it, “Never Look Back” is a sweet makeout jam. It’s pretty much perfect for some rainy day canoodling on the couch. The boyfriend is due back soon; I think canoodling is on the agenda.
Complete playlist via YouTube below!
This stress of my grandfather being ill and the tensions in family is really getting me down during my favorite time of year. It has definitely painted my mood tonight. And to cope with the sadness, I present you with today’s top 5. The mopey Christmas edition.
1. “Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis” by Tom Waits
2. “Whatever Happened To Christmas?” by Aimee Mann
3. “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay
4. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Michael Bublé (Mariah Carey cover)
5. “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith (first performed by Judy Garland)
Google Play Music listeners, click here.
Everyone else, here’s the playlist on YouTube. Goodnight.
I decided not to write (for money) today so I can focus on myself. This is probably the best decision I’ve made all week.
This week has been topsy-turvy and I needed to get back to center again, especially after last night. Some time between 5:30 AM and 9:00 AM, I managed to have a fairly disturbing dream about my ex-boyfriend. It just set a weird tone for the morning and I’ve been actively trying to shake it off all day.
I’ve forced myself to be proactive about my well-being this morning. I called both the nutritionist and the sleep specialist I was referred to and scheduled consultations. Needing to see these specialists is a hard reality to face, but if they will improve my quality of life, I’m more than willing to see it through. My health hasn’t been the best this year, and there is a lot of stuff I’ve been putting off and ignoring for way too long.
The day was wonderful. I took a nap, I read a bit. I curled up under covers and took ANOTHER nap. Fantastic.
On that note, I present you with Today’s Top 5: Covers Under The Covers. These are some great cover songs, perfect for cuddling up and napping.
1. “The Freshman” by Jay Brannan (The Verve Pipe cover)
2. “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bon Iver (Bonnie Raitt cover)
3. “Runaway” by Sarah Winters (Kanye West cover)
4. “Dancing in the Dark” by Ruth Moody (Bruce Springsteen cover)
5. “Hey Ya” by Obadiah Parker (Outkast cover)
You know the drill. Google Play music listeners, click here.
Everyone else? Enjoy a YouTube playlist!