I’m sitting outside in my old chair, the chair I used to sit in when I smoked cigarettes.
It’s dark, quiet, and chilly, and I can hear the low hum of the highway in the distance. Things are peaceful out here, away from people, away from the TV, away from political conversations. I’m spending the night at my parents house, and while I love them with all of my heart, I’m a bit tired of hearing about this election. I just want to get it over with.
Life has taken a positive, growth-oriented turn in the last few months. I’ve talked some of the changes here; I’m taking my medications, cutting out recreational substances, and throwing myself into projects that I’m passionate about. I’ve given dating and fucking a much needed break in favor of focusing on myself.
That shit gets lonely, though. I miss components of relationships: the hand holding, the feelings of intimacy, and, well, sex.
I can’t be bothered to do the “dating” part. I don’t have the energy to participate in the song and dance involved in getting to know someone. Not only is it exhausting, it’s just disingenuous. The first few dates require a fair amount of self-marketing; you basically have to trump up your best qualities and most interesting interests in hopes that you’ve said all the right things to warrant another date.
So being single will have to do for the time being. And that’s quite alright by me.
I’m going to take a bath, unwind, and rest up. Tomorrow is going to be crazy.