In preparation for my appointment with my new gynecologist tomorrow, I went to the imaging center and picked up a disc of the ultrasound (of my reproductive organs) as well as the radiologist’s report.  I made it through the weekend not looking at either, blissfully ignoring them and going about my business.

Tonight, after dinner, I couldn’t contain my curiosities any more and opened the envelope of the report.  Scanning the report, I found a description of the offending growth.

“In the posterior left adnexa there is a complex probable cystic mass measuring 6.3 x 4.4 x 4.8 cm which has internal septations within it and a moderate amount of free fluid surrounding the mass.”

I did a lot of googling to define a lot of the foreign words.  I’ll share my findings with you, because you’re reading this and unless you’re in the medical field, you have no clue what I’m talking about.

Adnexa – the parts adjoining an organ (with regard to my pelvis, the radiologist specifically means adnexa of the uterus).

Complex cyst – a cyst containing both fluid and solid material.

Internal septations – walls formed within the cyst.

I’ve been trying to live my life to the best of my ability since finding out about the mass 3 weeks ago, but it’s existence has not once escaped my mind.  And now I’m at my computer and I’ve gotten lost while exploring the internet.  I’ve fallen in a corner of the internet that tells me complex cysts with internal septations are more likely to be cancerous than others.  And that thought is freaking me out.

Everything I read expresses a dire need to get the mass checked out, and this sense of urgency is causing me to panic.  I’ve taken a klonopin, but I’m not experiencing any relief.

I want to visit my mom, though I know seeing her won’t help.  I just think I need to get out of this house.  I need to drive.  I need to run away.

This update sucked, and I apologize.

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Author: Leila

Just another case of arrested development.

3 thoughts on “”

  1. I’m sorry you’re going through this Leila. Sometimes not knowing the possibilities is better than knowing. I know that doesn’t help, especially now that you know. I think you were right in coming here to update because writing always helps and there are people here that care about you. Just try to hang on until you see the new doctor and can ask questions. Write some more if you can or need to. It does help. Write a letter to the mass inside of you. Or go the other way and listen to some music or watch a movie or something that will take your mind off of it. Try to concentrate on something else. And if it helps to know, I wish I were near you so I could just sit with you and listen or just sit and let you know that I care.

    Liked by 1 person

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