This time last year, my head was shaved and according to others, I looked “scary.”

Sometimes I miss it the freedom the shaved head gave me.  Sometimes I miss the look as a whole.  I sometimes miss being considered unapproachable.  It would be nice to get a break from people again.

A woman who I looked up to around this time last year encouraged me to dull down my appearance, to be less “out there.”  She was the first person in my life to even assert that my looks kept people away.  She “told it like it is,” which is an expression I hate.  To tell it like it is would be to provide an objective view.  But to make sweeping generalizations based on your own opinion is purely subjective.  No one ever “tells it like it is.”

Initially, my refusal was adamant, but her pleas wore me down over the course of 3 months.  I took out the piercings and grew out my hair and colored it some color existing in nature.  I wasn’t any happier.  I wasn’t any more “approachable.”

It was at that point in time that I put less stock in those that “told it like it is.”

Though I have a history of making bad decisions, they were still my decisions.  They weren’t meant to appease anyone.  I think the decision to dull down my appearance was one of the few times in my adult life that I reverted back to my adolescent self and changed my appearance to gain acceptance.

It’s Tuesday night and I’m listening to election coverage on NPR and my boyfriend is cleaning up the dinner I made.  Sweet Korean barbeque pork.  I don’t know why I’ve gone off on this tangent.  Maybe it was because I was untangling my hair and I looked back on the shaved head fondly.

Who fucking knows.


Author: Leila

Just another case of arrested development.

4 thoughts on “Hair.”

  1. So what happened to this woman you looked up to? 😉

    A woman I looked up to gave me great advice – about not investing myself too deeply in my work which I do have a tendancy to do – and stubborn me did not take it, and now I deeply wish I had because it would have saved me a lot of heartache in the long run.

    I think you should wear your hair how you like it. I also think, everyone should shave their head every so often. 🙂 I would love to do that. I should totally do that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Let’s say I no longer qualified to be in the same social circle as her.

      Geez, that’s a big ball of wax right there.

      Advice is hit or miss, you know? It’s either earnest or projection, in my opinion. I have a hard time taking advice, but boy, can I dish it out. Hah. Such is life.

      Shave your head if and when you are ready to deal with the consequences. When I shaved my head, it was a huge adrenaline rush. And then I cried for an hour the next day. lol

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I shaved my head — well, the sides — last year and I loved it. then I went to a new hairstylist who said that whoever told me I looked good that way was being cruel and I ended up growing it out and changing my color to a normal shade. blech. I’m getting ready to bleach my hair and color it purple in the next month and I feel good about it. if people feel the need to judge, I think that’s on them. (obviously easier said than done since I turned tail the first time this total stranger bashed me.) your comment about them either being earnest or projecting was spot on and I think we have to be who we are and damn the consequences. I think sometimes, depending on the person, it’s also jealousy because you’re expressing yourself in a way that maybe they can’t. my ex-gf used to make jokes about my hair when it was pink, but then I realized she was jealous because I got a lot of positive attention.

    eek, sorry to write a book. I get passionate about hair, especially since at one point my hair was a different color almost every week. 😀



    1. I miss that, coloring my hair every week. I liked the expression of self that came through.

      Ugh I’m afraid I’m going to write a novel on the subject and it’s getting late so I’m going to stop myself.

      Liked by 1 person

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